Sex

Sex at a fetish club...wrong or right? It is a question that many people talk about. And many people at Sinless parties have questioned it, attacked it, applauded it, judged it, defended it, done it, watched it and more.

I have been to fetish parties all over the world, from Los Angeles to New York, from London to Berlin to Sydney and beyond, and in my experience, the one thing about fetish parties that is always the same is that nothing is ever the same. There is no solid definition. No one can ever agree on what a "fetish party" is and what it isn't. A fetish party in one city is called a dungeon club in another. What is considered a social meet and greet in one country is a fetish party to another culture. I believe a fetish party can be almost anything you want it to be as long as you create a space for people to enjoy their fetishes.

Fact: In some places, people have sex at fetish parties and in some places, they don't.

For example, when I play in Amsterdam, I have to beat away the hands, fingers, tongues and genitalia while doing something as simple as sitting on my sub. Germans are more etiquette-based and will usually ask your permission...but some nights it's like a line-up to a concert... "May I?" "No." Next. "May I?" "No." Next... In my experience, Brits and Americans are more shy (read: repressed) and will stare and drool and stare and drool and touch themselves and wish...A simple nod of the head will make them come in their pants. (Yes, The Rev is an American.)

If a definition of Sinless is so needed, then here it is: Sinless is a play party. This style is very common in other countries, and is my favorite: it allows for serious action to happen and, if the participants so wish, sexual stimulation can be part of that -or not, but the option is there. I think many people confuse a "fetish PLAY party" with, what I call, a "SOCIAL fetish party." Most places in Czech such as Hell Party and Fetish Grand Prix are social parties. The focus of these events is to wear your gear, drink, dance and maybe watch some shows. Very few people are in role or deep in scene play and of course, the venue is not designed for sexual expression.

But let's talk about sex expression for a moment: The fetish world is a sexual one, and I feel that stripping sex out of it is not healthy. Sex is good. Sex is natural. Sex is healing and pleasurable and joyous. Call me crazy...I like sex. Sex can be a very loving and bonding experience, especially when expressed through someone's particular fetish. For example, the Master/servant relationship of the BDSM community is one of loving servitude, not of simply fucking and beating.

Separating sex from the object of your fetish is actually counter to the definition of the word "fetish."

Merriam-Webster: an object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression

Dictionary.com: any object or nongenital part of the body that causes a habitual erotic response or fixation.

Mnemonic Dictionary: a form of sexual desire in which gratification depends to an abnormal degree on some object or item of clothing or part of the body

Apple Dictionary: form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc. : Victorian men developed fetishes focusing on feet, shoes, and boots.

So what do we gain from these definitions? That someone who has a fetish and is exposed to that fetish will have an erotic response, at the least. So why would anyone create an environment where fetishists are brought in contact with their objects of desire, and then restricted from gratification? Even I am not that sadistic. I'll leave orgasm denial up to the individual Dominants...

Thus, I believe a good fetish party should be sexy, should turn you on and should make you feel that special high you only get when living inside your scene. It should give you every opportunity to do all the things you want to do that excite you.

I can understand the point of view, that sex is a private thing. Indeed not everyone is an exhibitionist. And I respect the right of someone to NOT have sex, just as much as I respect the desire to have sex. In short: I don't judge. I only create the playground, the place for people to do whatever they want, free of judgments.

In conclusion: I am a hedonist. I am the kind of person who enjoys experiencing pleasure, who enjoys providing pleasure for others and who enjoys watching others experiencing pleasure...

And why not? Life is too short for anything else.